Page 313
March 19th, 2012

Page 313

The babies are horrible teases: they’ll sleep through one night, and not the next.  Owen does it more (his record is three in a row so far) and Evan does it rarely.  Owen will have a great night, and be a horrible monster crying every couple of hours the next.  Evan will go one night only waking up once, and then waking up three or four times the next night (‘waking up’ is probably not accurate, sometimes it’s just ‘loudly stirring’ but even if they don’t wake themselves, I hear it, even through two closed doors).  The twin books say that identical twins generally have the same bio rhythms and usually sleep the same :P

My mother says I was sleeping through the night at six weeks.  WHAT the HELL.

An unlikely collision?


  1. Soundwave the Unchresomatic

    When Vainity sucks up, he sucks up smart!

  2. iamry

    “He tosses polar bears.” Is the best bit of dialogue on this entire page.

  3. Tom

    Your mother is exaggerating I’m sure. The time dilation experienced by grandmothers is amazing. You should hear some of the things my wife and I were supposedly doing at outrageously young ages. No…children can be gifted sometimes, babies are not. There’s certain developmental hurdles that just plan do not biologically happen by the time mothers claim they did.

  4. Ryu

    XD yes. All hail King Prozac.

    I hope we can see girl bears soon! The non-flashback kind.

  5. Beta

    I don’t suppose Prozac knows any Jujutsu?

    Panel 9… Prozac’s a Badass

    Babies. Unpredictable balls of love. Weapon of choice? Crying. Method of choice? Unpredictability. Looks like you’ve hit the perfect storm there. I wonder if Sam gets annoyed by the noise too?

  6. alexander B

    Just for that, they must have gained something from it.

  7. Alisha

    Love Vainity’s reaction.
    Every child twin or not is different I have three kids my self and am the oldest of six kids. Yes we have twins both identical and fraternal in my family. I can tell you from experience that even identical twins have different patterns in life. My oldest two are twins and one was sleeping through the night at eight weeks while the other at the age of eight still dose not sleep through the night regularly. Just wait tell you start to potty train them. twins are fun.

  8. Sterling Rodd

    Is that Prozac breaking the 4th wall in panel 10? :)

  9. Duke of URL

    “My mother says I was sleeping through the night at six weeks. WHAT the HELL.”…
    Ask your mother to look in the back of the pantry and see if she still has any bottles of that laudanum she gave you when you were a baby.

  10. Glowworm

    Vanity offering tea was cute!

  11. Nicole

    @Glowworm: I bet he’s talking to both us and the other bears…what with the way we were keening for ProHulk to make an appearance. :D

  12. Nicole

    Oh…oops! I meant @Sterling Rodd!

    @Glowworm: Why, yes, Vanity is adorable offering tea!

  13. iamry

    I’ve also noticed in some panels the text bubbles appear behind certain objects (like Prozac’s ear and the steam in panel 4) but in other panels they’re in front. Is this unintentional, some kind of method of emphasis, or simply for aesthetics sake?

  14. Aaron Plettl

    I didn’t notice your twins name till I read this comment bit, but those are the two names of my cousin’s two boys. They aren’t twins, but they are both named Owen and Evan and it confused the hell out of my Uncle and grandparents trying to remember the names for which boy.

    Small world, huh?

  15. Dyre

    Polar bear tossing is a fine reason to start sucking up. ><

    I wish you luck with the twins, I only have one and he didn’t start sleeping until he was about six months and that was only for maybe four hours a night. Then he slept for twelve straight hours all night every night for about two weeks, to give me false hope, then went back to waking up every hour. He’s sort of sleeping on schedule now. Eight hours every night. He is a year and a half. I am so sorry. Babies are mean little tricksters, but they are adorable – I believe it is to prevent you from killing them. ^.-

  16. silverfang16

    But…it was all done in the name of revenge. :(

  17. kath

    While my mom didn’t have twins, she had three babies in three years to the day… her answer to sleep was, sleep while the babies are sleeping which might seem irrisponsible, but, it didn’t do us any harm.

    Her other answer was , put a bit of rice cerial in the bed time bottle and we would sleep through out the whole night- every – night. as we got older, she would put more in, and make the nipple of the bottle bigger to accomidate the thicker fluid. Worked like a charm.

    of course she also mentioned about slipping some beer into the bottle, not a lot, but when we really needed sleep, just a touch of it, or a bit of whiskey- the tinyest few drops, and bang, we would be out like a light. I remember when I was sick and she gave me a hot toddy, which I knew right away what was in it, (awful stuff)

    while people might be shocked and appaled at these actions, they did NOT make us alcoholics- there was far more alcohole in the cough medication that the drs perscribed for us than what was in the babie bottles, and it did work.

    Not saying that alcohol is the answer to your babies, but the rice in the bottle may be. It doesn’t even have to be a full bottle, just a couple of ounces to tide them over.

    just make sure they are dried, and burped , and they will be fine, and then you can get some much needed sleep

    to answer prozacs question what did we learn from this?

    If Prozac would have stepped in when Nerd was attacked by the polar bears, Steve would still have an arm. If he had stood up when they harrased everyone on the shore, they would have steared clear of the smaller bears and picked on the monkeys instead.

    Its not all Evils fault that this has happened. (well most of it) but Evil was just frustrated as well with what the polar bears were doing.

    I think I feel the sorryest for Nerd. that pulled off hair area is really going to be itchy pretty soon…


  18. kath

    Oh, she said something about drinking beer before nursing them, and well, it was like they had some of it too- it also helped with constipation- that – and prune juice. You would think that babies were Klingons sometimes with the way they yell and throw things around..


  19. Blacky Blackerson

    @Nicole: So adorable that you decided to use him as your avatar. I for one welcome back our welcome back our egotistical panda, even though it is causing Gay much grief.

    Even though they skipped the whole Gay and Gimp does something scene, I think this arc turned out well. But how much do you want to bet that not only are Nerd, Evil, and Lech cowering in the corner somewhere, but also the polar bears? That would make my day to see that!

    In celebration of this Saturdays episode, I will replace cute and cuddly Spike and instead give you Bawss Spike. I would type a remix to the song, but since that’s been done to death (literally and figuratively), I spare you the eye ache.

    If Alison ever decides to do game parodies or title drops, I think she could get away with doing these:
    Shadow of the Prozac
    Nerd May Cry
    Zoo Fighters
    Resident EVIL
    Just throwing some out there.

  20. Fazzey

    I love how Prozac drinks his tea with his pinky out. ^_^

    And I know about babies keeping you up. I can sleep through a air-compressor in the next room, but I wake in a panic if my child coughs in his sleep. For the first few months my son would wake up every two hours. Drove me nuts.

    My parents say that my older sister slept through the night at a few weeks old….I on the other hand….I had a habit of only sleeping if I was rocked….I would be fine till my dad needed to go to bed & then would start crying & screaming. My parents finally wrapped me up in a hammock & tied a string to it…When I woke up at night they would pull the string & make me rock.

  21. Draco

    Don’t mess with a flipped out Prozac Bear!

  22. Kurobara

    My mom told me that I slept all through the night, even when I was a little tot. My mom let my aunt baby-sit me once, and she was soooo excited for me to wake up in the middle of the night crying so she could take care of me. My mother came home to a VERY disappointed sister.

  23. Ryu

    By the way, on the off chance some of you may appreciate this:

  24. Sterling Rodd

    I think Gay needs to do something REALLY nice for Prozac to one-up Vanity’s tea gambit. He has a lot of rare talents… I’m sure he can think of something. :)

    Actually, it was Lech who was kind of selfless and noble, if a bit naive, in this adventure, while Prozac pretty much had to be guilted into it. No rewards for Lech?

  25. admin

    @Alisha: Noooot looking forward to potty training (it’s not going particularly well with Sam)
    @Sterling: lol, that would be a bit snarky of me!
    @Duke of URL: oh man, too funny!
    @iamry: no particular emphasis, just personal preference
    @Aaron Plettl: No way! That’s cool :)
    @Dyre: Ha, yes babies are evil. And 8 hours a night at 18 months isn’t very much either, Sam is nearly 2.5 and he usually goes about 11 every night.
    @Kath: I think our problem is teething unfortunately, but I imagine alcohol would help with that too…
    @Ryu: ha! So true.

  26. Joe England

    Sooner or later someone’s going to have to tell them that twit isn’t technically a bear. Then we’ll see who’s on whose side!
    …Whatever that means.

  27. Maeron

    I totally feel your pain with trying to get babies to sleep through the night! Mine is one and he still won’t go to bed unless I’m doing the same. :) I would tell you it gets better, but it doesn’t. You just get used to it! Good luck and I love Bear Nuts! I hope you’re able to continue making many more comics in the future!

  28. Sterling Rodd

    @Joe England–Not a bear? Who? Vanity? Yeah, pandas are bears; they’re in the family Ursidea… though they’re not the same genus as the rest of these guys, who are Ursus. Ursus moronis, as I recall. Pandas are one of only eight extant bear species, so don’t count them out! “We need the dudes…” :)

  29. Sterling Rodd

    Family Ursidae, pardon my French. :D

  30. Joe England

    Thanks, Sterling. You learn something new every day.

  31. alexander B

    also, WTF are these guys half the size of people? I have been wondering that since forever. \

  32. igan

    They seem to be around child size, considering the time Evil abducted a few kiddies to eat, or the time Lech and Gay had to tandem drive a truck.

  33. alexander B

    I know that, I am just wondering why they aren’t bigger.

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